Clowning in this day and age is closely related to that guy who comes to kids’ parties dressed in many colors, torn yet bulky attire, a face full of undeserving makeup, and a red nose. In slang terms, clowning is when you choose to continue dating someone with the hopes of them being ideal while they are constantly showing you who they are. Clowning in summary is where your self-worth is low than what your value is. I will let that marinate! We have all been there.
VERSIONS OF CLOWNS
You can clearly see your partner (Man/woman) not pulling their weight and you still choose to stay. For example, you tell your partner that something they do, makes you feel some type of way and they continue doing so, yet you stay. You are a clown, simply because you do not value yourself enough. Otherwise, the question, therefore, becomes, why do you continue to stay in this relationship? Perhaps, low self-worth?
You become a clown when someone outrightly tells you that they are not ready for a relationship, yet you stay thinking they will change their mind. They never do. It is for you to accept that which has been communicated, pack your stuff and leave the relationship to another that will appreciate and is deserving of your love. By the way, if they ask you to be their partner and you are talking marriage one day then out of the blue your partner says they are not ready, to which you ask and are given some flimsy excuse, leave!
Did you see the reflags and stayed on in the relationship? Well, you are a clown. If you notice your partner initially portrayed a certain version of themselves but now you are noticing that their mask is falling off, clown much? If you are intentional enough, you will see the signs and leave for someone else to be a clown.
You just didn’t ask questions well early into dating your partner. We all need to get to ask questions in order to better understand whether we are compatible. It is only through intentionally dating and watching for actions do we avoid being clowns. For example, you don’t ask if your potential partner has kids, then one day while you are cooking together you see a woman with a child dropping off the kid, you start causing a tiff, yet you didn’t ask questions that are important to you. It begs the question when locating your partner do you have a list of non-negotiable that you work with or simply zero-graze?
YOU ARE NOT A CLOWN WHEN YOU:
- Investing in an exclusive relationship doesn’t equate to clowning. I do not think anyone gets into a committed relationship with the thought of leaving. As such, one needs to water their own garden, investing. So, you don’t qualify to be a clown if you willingly invested in the relationship. Be it buying your partner gifts, taking them for a meal etc. You only qualify to be clown if you did this as a currency to get or win their love. You’re self worth at this point is low.
- Your partner lied. So you went on dates with your partner and they passed your non-negotiable list. Somewhere into the journey, you notice the lie and immediately exit the relationship. Do not beat yourself up because you were sold a story that your partner worked on to a point where they didn’t. The truth if the matter is, we have too many good liars. Some people are so good that they say and actions back up the lies with a smile and straight face. You just didn’t know! As long as you left immediately, you do not qualify to be a clown
HOW TO AVOID BEING A CLOWN
Heal from past traumas, hurts, and hangups. This could mean you going for therapy or counseling. Basically, work on yourself. Unlearn, learn and relearn yourself. Whenever you date without introspecting or working on yourself, you end up being a clown because you are not self-aware, don’t know what boundaries should never be crossed by your partner and in extension, you have nothing in particular that you are looking for.
Date with intention. If your purpose for dating is for marriage, you will enquire from your potential suitors whether they are for marriage or not. Therefore, if a potential says they are looking for friends with benefits or only prefer “come we stay relationship”, then you should automatically terminate any pursuit of this person.
Exit when the mask falls. No one can pretend for a lifetime. So, when you notice a certain unpleasant, non-negotiable behavior, it is unto you to leave the relationship. Do not make excuses for your partner or be hopeful for a change, just leave! They can show you the change when you are not in the relationship.
Some clowns are clowns of circumstance, others are deliberate clowns. Feel free to share your clown stories and we can laugh and address them, only if you are out of the relationship.