Moody man
Mental Health

How to build your emotional intelligence like a pro!

Photo by gratisography


Sometimes life can just happen. Like one minute you are happy and elated than the next you are down, busted and disgusted. It is normal, it is life. Or perhaps you are going through a breakup that has you going on a downward spiral. I was once a person who used to go around being controlled by my moods. If I’m happy and you happen to cross my path, you would witness a good side of me. The inverse is true. A bad mood equals bad everything! To put it into perspective, I was the moody Child! Hot and cold! It was so bad that some friends would say that I was bi-polar, lol!

Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters. You must all br quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to get angry. - JAMES1:19

It was until I applied some emotional intelligence to this life. Emotional intelligence is basically being in control of your own emotions and feelings in your everyday life. Others call it an Emotional quotient or an emotional intelligence quotient. Everyone’s journey is different.

Steps I took in building my Emotional intelligence muscle:

Saw a therapist: In my previous article about “How therapy changed my life”, I confessed that this was the best investment in my life. Why investment? Because other than the monies paid for the service, there is the emotional, physical, and mental investment. Digging up feelings and peeling off masks is no easy task but I can guarantee you, it is worth it. Through seeing a therapist, I was able to acknowledge my contribution to my moodiness, identify triggers, set boundaries thus building into my emotional intelligence. There is no such thing as “That’s just the way I am”. That is a lie from the devil! I would notice my trigger points and quickly set in place ways to not get into a bad mood. 

For instance, I find it disrespectful of people who do not keep time. Like, if it is 8AM, please let it be 8AM. I feel that if you know you are going to be late, the right thing to do update the other person of your ETA. But hey, common sense is not so common.

Instead, let the holy spirit renew your mind and attitudes - Ephesians 4:23

Being intentional: Now even as much as I was seeing a therapist and got the theory and a bit of practice into it, life can just knock you right down. It is normal and happens all the time. What you do when it does, is what matters. I learned that it is like building muscles in your body, the aches, pains, and eventually the results. It is like wanting that hourglass body yet you have layers of fat.

First thing is to acknowledge that you have added weight and want to do something about it. Secondly, see after a trainer, do a meal and workout plan. The most important step towards getting that hourglass or amazing body is to be consistent. Every day, good or bad mood, show up! That is what will get you that hot bod. The same thing applies to building your EI muscle. You have to be intentional in getting back up. Purpose, purpose, purpose to always rise above your feelings. Acknowledge its presence, talk yourself quietly or loudly out of it, remind yourself what the word of God says about you, give thanks and start smiling. 

Always look good: If you are just starting to build your emotional intelligence muscle, start by looking good. Now that we are all working from home, wear that dress, put on that perfume, get a self-care routine that you have seen others do, explore nature or whichever hobbies that you have wanted to pursue. Just do you! In my own journey when I was depressed and lonely, I was always in slacks, baggy t-shirts, unmatched socks… You get the drift. It was until I started exercising, deliberately choosing to shower (yes, it is not a necessity when you are depressed), and dress up that I got out of the funk. Before long I was a social butterfly and enjoying life again. You can do it too.

I can do all things through christ who strengthens me- Phillipians 4-13

How else have you been able to boost your moods and cultivate a high emotional intelligence?

Your empathetic writer, Yuki!

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