Dear old- I meet your work in progress. The old me was a people-pleaser, overthinker, judgemental, loved the drink, predictable, moody young lady. This lady loved to talk, commune with others, watch movies, dance, and cook especially on the weekends. Her wine, cooking some newly found chicken recipe, music blasting in her apartment, and her two feet are all she would enjoy every weekend.
What work in progress looks like…
I remember when I would have done absolutely anything to make the people around me happy. Most times it would come at a hefty cost; cost of time, cost of energy, cost of the emotional drain this list is endless. People-pleasing is a coping mechanism that we acquire along the way. So I know it will take time to unlearn it. I am slowly establishing and implementing healthy boundaries both of myself and others. Time is the master of discipline. We are a work in progress.
The number of times the old me narrated stories in her head about, things that hadn’t happened and to be quite honest never happened to date were a lot! If I were to narrate those thoughts we could be here for days on end. Again, this habit she learned from a young age, and so it will take time to unlearn it. Today, this lady on a healing journey thanks to therapy, is careful of what she lets occupy her mind. She understands the triggers, root cause, feels the emotion, and lets it go. There are times that it gets the best of me, but I am deliberately getting there. I am a work in progress.
Judgy much?? I did indeed. That was the past me. In the present, I understand how to extend grace to the undeserving. Now I see someone who is behaving in an off demeanor, instead of telling them what they are doing is bad, I now know better and instead empathize and see them as human as I am. They too make mistakes. We are flawed human beings.
Speaking of blunders, during the former years, I made mistakes. Some of which startles me. God showed me grace. For some time, I overthought the mistakes I made, allowed them to put me down. There are people I crossed the wrong way and some of these people to date still hold onto the former me. I now know, not everyone will show you grace for who you were. It is for me to do me and let them be. Instead of beating myself up, I constantly remind myself that I am not perfect, I am a work in progress, I am bound to make mistakes, what is done is done, I can only improve who I am. The rest will follow.
Does it get better?
I could go on and on about the person I once was but I know that is not productive. So why this article? It is to assure you it gets better. My journey has not been easy, but consistently and deliberately putting in the work and allowing God through time to mold me. I am impressed with who I am becoming. I am more self-aware and loving it. My self-worth has grown immensely and I am eager to see who I become. As any techy will tell you a new version most often than not means better performance. So here is to Yuki 2.0. Yes, it does get better.
Remember, though you fallen, you still are worthy!